


Chasing Cars

by midoriverte



Series: Hidekane Week 2018 [4]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Day 6: Heartache, Hidekane Week, Hidekane Week 2018, M/M, original characters-Hide's fathers, some slight discussion of homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-28
Updated: 2018-07-28
Packaged: 2019-06-15 09:25:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15409887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midoriverte/pseuds/midoriverte
Summary: Hide's adoptive fathers watch as Hide grows up, and watch as his relationship with his best friend Kaneki Ken changes- and how it changes him.Day 6- Heartache





	Chasing Cars

They had wanted a child for ages, but the circumstances were not exactly what they had hoped. It was always sobering to hear that yet another fellow investigator had died in the line of duty. Even worse to hear they had left a young child all alone in the world.

 

Still, they were nervous and excited to finally have a child to call their own. They were sure the transition would be rough on the poor boy, (Hideyoshi, his file said. His last name would be changed to theirs to protect his identity from ghouls who might want revenge on his dead father. It did make them feel slightly guilty, as though they were stealing away a piece of his identity), but they were determined to give him a good home away from the cold institution of the CCG. 

 

When Hideyoshi arrived, they didn’t know what to think of him. They had been prepared for him to be sad, to be angry at his situation. They expected a young boy who had been through so much to act out in some way. 

 

But he was almost too calm, too polite, too friendly. He smiled and thanked them for everything, but the smile never seemed to reach his eyes. It was a bit disturbing to see such an expression on a boy so young. 

 

It would have almost been easier if he had acted out in some way, because then they could have helped him. As it was, he got good grades and kept his room clean and did all his chores without asking but it all seemed so hollow and un-childlike that it was almost worse than if he had misbehaved.

 

They had told him he could call them by their names, whatever he wanted, until he was comfortable. It was Hideyoshi who had insisted on calling them “father” and “dad” because “You’re my parents now”. 

 

It should have been touching, but he said it with such resignation that it cut like a knife. 

 

Father asked him how school was, and Hideyoshi said it was fine. Dad asked him if he had any friends there, and he just shrugged noncommittally. 

 

The first time they saw true emotion from him, was when he came home from school one day, excitedly talking about a boy he had met in class. 

 

It was the most either of them had heard Hideyoshi talk in the few weeks he had lived with them. In fact, all they heard over the next few weeks was him talking about how great Kaneki was. He was smart, he was kind, he was a little quiet and a little shy but that was okay. He listened to Hide talk about the things he loved and he was getting Kaneki to tell him a little bit about the books he read, even though it seemed to embarrass Kaneki. 

 

“He blushes so much when he talks about books, it’s so cute!” 

 

If his adoptive fathers shot each other a look at that, the usually-observant Hide seemed to not notice. 

 

“And I told him to call me Hide, and I think that I like that better, so you should call me that too.”

 

They smiled at each other then. The name Hideyoshi had always seemed so oddly stiff for the poor boy. 

 

They supposed they had Kaneki to thank for Hide opening up. He seemed to genuinely become friendly with them now that he had Kaneki in his life. They learned later that Kaneki had also lost his father young, and assumed that he had given Hide someone to confide in. 

 

They also learned that Kaneki’s mom was never around because she worked all the time. 

 

Eventually, Hide asked if he could bring Kaneki over. It was the first time Hide had ever asked them for anything, and they readily agreed. 

 

Kaneki was, as promised, a quiet boy with dark hair and grey eyes. He was as stiff and polite as Hide had initially been, if he seemed surprised at first that Hide had two fathers, it didn’t seem to bother him in the slightest. 

 

He seemed like a nice boy, but the most important thing was that he made Hide happy. And something about their newly-adopted son bringing a friend home made them feel like a real family. 

 

***age 10***

 

It felt odd to dress their young son in a suit to attend a funeral. Dad helped with his tie, Hide was self-sufficient in many ways but his small hands fumbled over the knot. They seemed to be shaking as well, and Father pulled him into a tight hug once his tie was done. 

 

“Are you sure you don’t want us to come with you?” Father asked for what felt like the hundredth time. 

 

Hide nodded grimly. It was not the first time he had faced death alone. 

 

They worried for Kaneki nearly as much as Hide. He had lost his mother recently from death due to overwork. Another child all alone in the world. 

 

Hide had been sombre since he heard the news. They were sure it brought back bad memories for him, and he had always been so fiercely protective of Kaneki.

 

Maybe the suit should have made him look older. But he seemed younger and smaller than ever when he went off to comfort a friend for a grief he knew all too well. 

 

A couple days later, Hide was eating cereal in front of the TV while watching a show his parents didn’t quite understand but always watched with him. He was still sombre, moving the cereal around the bowl with his spoon without eating it as it turned to mush and staring at the TV with none of his usual enthusiasm. 

 

“Is it wrong to be worried that Kaneki is going to move if he gets adopted?” He asked, seemingly out of nowhere, not looking at either of them. 

 

They shot each other another look. 

 

“No,” Dad said slowly. “It’s not. It’s normal to want your friends to stay close to you.”

 

Hide nodded, though it seemed like he didn’t believe him. 

 

“You want to be close to your friend when he needs you,” Father added. “It’s not a bad thing.” 

 

Hide nodded again, and then, to both of their surprise, tears sprang to his eyes. He almost never cried. Even when he moved there after his father died. Even when he had hit his head falling off a swing and needed stitches. 

 

“I don’t want him to leave me,” Hide said, tears streaming down his face as he wiped them off hurriedly with his sleeve. 

 

Dad gently coaxed him to put his cereal down so he could pull him onto his lap. He was always the one who was better at comforting. He held Hide gently as he cried onto his shoulder and, for once, Hide didn’t complain that he was too old for this. 

 

It turned out that Kaneki was not going to move away. He was going to stay with his aunt who lived close enough that he wouldn’t have to leave. 

 

Hide seemed excited at first that he wasn’t going to leave, but not long after Kaneki moved in with his aunt he became sombre again. 

 

“What’s wrong?” Father asked tentatively one night over pizza, when Dad was staying late at the office. 

 

Hide jolted in surprise, and quickly hitched a smile on his face. 

 

“Nothing’s wrong!” He lied in a way that would have been convincing to anyone else. 

 

“I’m your father, Hide, I know when you’re upset,” he said. 

 

Hide seemed to slump, the smile slipping off his face. 

 

“I don’t think Kaneki’s aunt is very nice,” Hide said. 

 

“Oh,” Father said in surprise. That wasn’t quite what he was expecting. “What makes you think that? Has he said anything?” 

 

Hide shrugged. “He says she’s fine.” 

 

“So then why-”

 

“He doesn’t have to say it,” Hide said, so suddenly and fiercely that it startled both of them.

 

“Sorry,” Hide mumbled quietly. 

 

“Don’t be sorry,” Father said. “You’re worried about your friend.” He didn’t add that, although Hide was just a child, he trusted his son’s intuition. And if he said he thought Kaneki’s aunt wasn’t treating him well, it worried him. 

 

Hide was still frowning. “She doesn’t want Kaneki coming over anymore,” he mumbled. 

 

That surprised Father, “How come?”

 

Hide didn’t look him in the eye as he said, “Because I have two dads.”

 

He didn’t know what to say. “I’m sorry,” was all he could come up with. 

 

Hide just shrugged again. “It’s her problem,” he said. 

 

Later, when Hide was in bed and both his parents were home, they talked about what Hide had said. Hide had always known there would be people who didn’t like that he had two fathers, but it hurt to see him come face to face with that prejudice for the first time. It hurt that they couldn’t do anything about it. 

 

They tentatively asked him, the next day, how he felt about it. 

 

“It’s her problem,” Hide said again. “I have awesome parents and she-,” he frowned “She doesn’t have the right to say anything about how other parents are.”

 

They couldn’t help but feel proud of him, in that moment. It hurt, as always, to see him act more mature than any ten-year-old had the right to be. But he loved them, he defended them, and he was strong enough to not listen to what other people said of his family. 

 

***age 13***

 

Now that Hide was older, almost in high school, he spent more and more time with Kaneki after school. They gave him more of an allowance so he would be able to eat with Kaneki, go to movies with him, go to arcades (and if they gave him more money than his chores were technically worth so that he could also pay for Kaneki, well, they would neither confirm nor deny that). 

 

It wasn’t unusual for Hide not to come home until after dinner, so they were both surprised to see him sitting at home on the couch and frowning while playing a video game. 

 

“You’re home early,” Dad commented. 

 

“A  _ girl _ asked Kaneki to go to the movies tonight,” Hide said, voice dripping with irritation. “So he ditched me.” 

 

“I guess he is at that age,” Father said. 

 

Hide scoffed. It was hard not to laugh a little, though they both managed to hold it back. 

 

“Does he like her?” Dad asked.

 

Hide’s frown became somehow even more intense as he grumbled “I guess so,” Hide said. Which meant he did. 

 

“He’ll still be your friend even if he starts dating, you know?” Father said cautiously. Hide gave a half-hearted shrug that was more like a twitch, and it was clear that that was  _ not _ what was bothering him about it. 

 

At least, not all that was bothering him about it. 

 

The next day, Hide was in a markedly better mood. 

 

“It turns out she just asked him as a friend,” Hide said happily, pouring himself a glass of Coke and looking significantly more bouncy than this news warranted. 

 

His parents looked at each other. They both had their suspicions about how Hide felt about Kaneki, but they had different ideas about what to do about it. Dad was of the opinion that they should just ask him and give him the opportunity to talk to them about it. Father felt like they should wait for him to talk to them about it when he was ready. 

 

They ultimately decided to wait. They had to trust that Hide would talk about it in his own time. 

 

***age 17***

 

As a family, they had hardly ever fought. Sure, there had been arguments when Hide had wanted to spend time with Kaneki and they had had to put their foot down and tell him to finish his homework, but all in all things had been pretty good. They even wondered, for a while, if they had miraculously escaped the teenage rebellion phase more or less unscathed. 

 

Until it came time to for Hide to decide what university he wanted to go to. 

 

His stubborn refusal to come up with anything was baffling. He wasn’t necessarily the most organized person, but he had always been able to buckle down and work for what was important. They signed off on his future plans only reluctantly when he put one school down, and didn’t put any programs he was interested in, and earned a call from his homeroom teacher who was insisting on the importance of Hide finding some direction. 

 

They assured her they would talk to him about it, but that was easier said than done. 

 

“You can’t just pick one university, what happens if you don’t get in?” Father demanded.

 

“What makes you think I won’t get in?”

 

“Kamii is very difficult to get into-”

 

“So you don’t think I’m smart enough?”

 

“You know that’s not what I mean!” Father said in frustration. 

 

Dad jumped in to save him, “What about your programs? That’s one of the most important things. You need to know what you’re aiming for, what classes you need to focus on-”

 

“I don’t really care,” Hide said, waving his hand dismissively.

 

“There has to be something you’re interested in-”

 

“I don’t care, okay!” Hide said, throwing his hands into the air. “I’m really not interested in anything!”

 

“Why aim for such a difficult university if you don’t even know what you want to study?” Dad prodded. 

 

Hide shrugged again. 

 

“You have to take your own future more seriously!” Father said, jumping back into the conversation and losing what little remained of his patience. 

 

Hide groaned and went to pull on his jacket. 

 

“Where do you think you’re going?” he demanded. “We’re not done talking here!”

 

“I said I was going out to see Kaneki,” Hide said. 

 

“Let me guess, Kaneki wants to go to Kamii, so that’s where you’re going too?” 

 

Hide turned to glare at him, but he didn’t argue back. 

 

“You can’t base your whole life around that boy-” 

 

Hide strode to the door and flung it open faster than Father thought was possible, and he slammed it shut so hard that it seemed to echo through the house long after it was closed. 

 

He didn’t answer their frantic texts to him. But they thought it would be best to leave him be for the time being rather than chasing after him. They would have a talk with him when he came home. 

 

They were waiting for him when Hide came through the door after midnight. He didn’t seem surprised at all to see them waiting for him. He looked oddly sheepish. 

 

“H-hey,” Hide said, rubbing the back of his head. When his parents didn’t say anything, Hide said “Sorry… about earlier.”

 

“We just want to know what’s going on with you,” Dad said. “We’re here to help you.”

 

Hide nodded awkwardly. 

 

They sat down at the kitchen table. Father made tea for them, even though it was late enough that caffeine was a bad idea. Hide stirred sugar into his tea slowly while they waited for him to talk. 

 

“I… I know it’s bad to just chase Kaneki,” Hide said, after entirely too many spoonfuls of sugar. “But… I want to stay beside him.”

His parents said nothing, knowing it was better to let him speak. 

 

“I want to find something I want to do. Something for myself,” Hide continued. “But I still want to go to the same school as him when I do it. I think I can find myself even when I’m with him,” he smiled awkwardly. “That’s crazy, isn’t it?”

 

“It’s not,” they said in unison. Hide laughed. 

 

“Can you help me...figure out something? Figure out something I can be good at?”

 

“You know, we think you can do anything you set your mind to,” Dad said. “And we aren’t saying that just because we’re your parents, you’re one of the brightest kids we’ve ever known.”

 

In that moment, they realized that Hide was a lot closer to a man than a child. And maybe Hide felt that too, because his smile was a little sad. 

 

“I know,” Hide said. “And I’m smart enough to know that he’s not- he’s never going to feel the same way-” Hide’s voice broke at this admission. Something he had avoided saying for so long. And suddenly he was the little boy crying over the thought of Kaneki leaving him. And once again all they could do was pull him into a hug and tell him everything was going to be alright. Even though they could not promise that. No parent could. But they had to say it out loud because they had to believe it for their own sake as much as their son’s. That he was going to be okay even though his heart was breaking. 

 

***

It seemed like all too soon Hide was packing up to move out for school. And they were helping him load his things into his new apartment. He had gotten into Kamii, as they always knew he would deep down. And Kaneki had too. 

 

Sometimes they selfishly wished one of them hadn’t. But they could not protect Hide from the boy who was only going to break his heart. He had to make his own choices. 

 

Ultimately, he had gotten into the International Studies program. And they at least took solace in the fact that he was going to broaden his horizons, learn a bit about the wider world. 

 

He hugged them goodbye, with promises that he would call them once a week to let them know what was going on. And assurances that he could call them anytime and they would be there for him. 

 

“I know,” Hide said, with a smile. “I know I can count on you guys for… anything.” He sounded awkward as he said it. He was still just a teenager, and emotional conversations were not exactly his forte. 

 

“But I’ll be okay, you know?” He said. 

 

And they knew that he would be. Because he was their son, and they had watched him grow up and watched him suffer things no boy his age should have, and still come out of the other side smiling and strong and kind.

 

And whatever happened, he would be okay. 


End file.
